Thursday, August 30, 2007

it's kinda weird

hmm...
somehow.... it's jz weird...
but i think i'm alrite la..
hehe....
jz be a happy child in tan family~
jz be a gesiao fren in my frens' world~
ah bi jiayou...

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

dumbness

dah lah dumb... bodoh lagi...
really dumbodo la... :(

feel so dumb.... so numb....
thx khoon khoon, eng eng...
so late still go eat icecream wit me... then go swing ... summore halau by security...

things jz changed...
it mayb to d better for d others...
but nt for me...
i jz hope for a better karen.... cz it's nt good to get emo all d time yoh...
hehe...
nyway... it wont last for long la..
as long as i still noe there's at least one person whoever he or she is...
cherish my existance...

i miss home lots...
especially at tis time....
when it's my weakest time....
which i lost all my reliance on others...
on d one i trust...
trust no more..

Saturday, August 25, 2007

terrified

somehow... it just scares me...
though all of us shud be mentally prepared bout tis...
i had a hectic week... a real hectic one..
tat made me hv to cancel going for my chinese orchestra practice for the performance on saturday, cancel my chinese orchestra class with my juniors, cancel goin for salsa class, on air with my juniors and workshop for 10th anniversary and last but not least the volunteer work that i've alwz wish to join in MIFC...
i truly apologize for all these.... i'm sorry

when i though that i nearly can put an end on the bad performance on my two tests tis week,
friday which was yesterday, when i went for a proper lunch which i had missed for the week, i got a call from wendy..
i answered it happily as i miss her since i hardly hv d chance to contact with her..
but d tone of d sound that i had from her was so gloomy.. so stress.. so sad.... so scares me...
she talked about grandma... she talked about she rushed bek to muar d day before as grandma barely breath... she mentioned about grandma's condition which sound so alike with wat had happen few years ago on gu gong.... and then she mentioned about... grandma might leave us in any second...

goodness.... tis is a real blow to me...
i dunno hw to handle it... cz it's jz scares me...
i was petrified tat time... i wish there's sum1 tat i can actually count on to.. tell me wat i shud do..
which might be silly to others cz it might be sth easily taken by those tat ored mentally prepared..
but though i look like one tat might be strong... yet i'm not..

i tried to breath deeply... stay calm... n then ask further Q to make sure tat she's clear bout wat she's talking about...
n wat i get is true...
"u better get bek muar whenever u can... cz she's really weak... which anyone of us dun wana hv any regrets, rite?"
then i hold my tears... to stay calm n think of d solutions....

she felt sorry tat she cudnt stay for long in muar... coz she had work to do... summore in bangkok...
but i'm in msia... i'm in cyberjaya... i shud b bek home...
n so i did... i plan it... ya... plan it..
i called my dad who is in bali... to ask him whether i can hv a ride on his bus... then i called tina...
then only i got to noe that i'm d only one who noes nth....
cz i'm having midterm tests n all... n mum dint wana tell me bout grandma's condition...
n so... i decided to folo tina's car bek muar on d next day which is today...

we reach at bout 5pm.. then we strait away go to grandma's hse...
mum was coughing badly... she lost her weight... look pale...
uncle oso look tired...
when i walked into d hse... i saw grandpa sitting on d chair he used to sit bside d telephone facing grandma which was lying on d restchair.. trying his best to observe her every movement.. to fulfil her every need...
then i approach grandma....
she was awake tat time when i squat dwn n talk to her...
she still has d smile on her face... still worry bout my mum's cough... ask me to take k of my mum... but i saw her tears at d edge of her eyes...
she's so skinny.... she's so weak...
she cant even feel her feet... she can only feel numb on her feet...
cudnt stand... cudnt eat...
but at least... i'm glad tat she still noes me...
she will still stay awake for sumtime... not as bad as wat wendy mentioned to me...
cz tat's really bad if tat happen again...
but we jz hv to alwz be prepared for d worst....

mum talked bout wat had happen two days ago...
which they thought they might hv lost grandma....
grandma fainted.. n all of them cried....
but thank god... she stil here....
still here.....
not another blow for us....
pray for u, popo

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

trust no more...

sui things alwz happen together...
laptop kena virus after i reformated my laptop for less than 5 days.. aiks...
then SIG2 lab report... aiks...
then trusting d wrong person....
sumore two.... aduhai...
realy cudnt blive such a fool i m...

nyway..
cudnt be able to bear myself fr trusting them again...
repeatedly being cheated...STUPIAK..
nyway.... jz let them b...
god noes... i wish .. hehe..
thx for d caring from mlc frens... gamsiah.. :)
really wish to bek mlc soon...
n thx yan ... sorry let u worry....
n oso thx tomato..
for all d songs... really nice.... :)

n i luv one of d lyrics... hehe....
share to all view my blog la....
whoever stress.. jz find me.. hehe..
hope d songs i hv will cheer u all up:D
jiayou.....

here goes....

闭上了眼睛感觉
我们的容貌都有些改变
在挣扎中学会了谅解
再多的眼泪都已是昨天

乘着风我们飞越 艰难的时间
梦因有土地植根而完全
我们迎接
全新的这一页
感谢你我能够写下自己的明天

若不是你 我怎么会看得见
每个梦想在实现之前 都需要起点
如果我会很幸福 因为你在守护
虽然你沉默的就像一棵树

若不是你 我怎么面对考验
只有你继续给我力气走向全世界
除了万分的感恩 对你的心也真
若不是你 我怎么能够完成这未知的旅程

Sunday, August 12, 2007

raining

these few days d weather as if picturing my mood...
up n down... uncertain... unstable...
yest i burst out so many things to gundu...
unexpected tat it will actually happen tat i throw out all d stuffs in my blog into him...
i wonder too.. nyway... speechless to describe it..
jz feel tat... mayb i shud do so.. since it's awkward...

nw.... studying emg.... feeling so lonely... so lost...
i knew tat watever i did yest dint ease myself at all...
sum sort of like... it's an action to ease him rather than me...
i dunno y i hv such thinking....
but it jz happen to appear in my mind tat watever i did watever i say is jz to let him noe tat i'm stress.. n i really do...

at tis time around... as wat i told him...
i really dunno who to turn to...
i nid sumbody to guide me.... sumbody to assist me thru...
it mayb thought vr foolish of me on others' sight...
but it's jz too much for me to handle....
n of cz i noe tat i hv no right to ask sumbody to share d stress with me...
as i hate myself doing so... cz it's jz not right for wat i think...

getting thru d obstacles is my responsibility...
noone shud be drag into tis matter...
but i'm jz too tired.... so tired....
feel like wana split myself into pieces..
crack my head into pieces....
i'm such a useless bum...
good for nothing....

jealousy alwz strikes me these time around...
it's such a shame.... y is it strikes me...
n i finally got d answer...
i alwz yearn to be cared.... to be loved... to be pampered...
yet when i get it... i'll run... i'll hide....
cz i'm afraid to lose everything...
chicken hearted....

how now~

泪光

因为所以懂得珍贵
我的心从此就不为谁
一个人费尽千山万水
有你梦就不坠~
经过那一段冰冷风霜
我闭上双眼找的方向
微笑的回忆不费思念
看见世界最美丽的花
于是我不再有忧伤不再有惆怅
闪动的
泪光的接待
你是我命中的光芒坚强的力量
都点亮让幸福温暖怏怏

Friday, August 10, 2007

发现爱

发现爱

林俊杰+金莎

叽叽喳喳路人小孩
噘嘴的你站在露台
阳光眯着眼看我们
同时也发现爱
嘀嘀咕咕我该不该
让你看穿
冰淇淋的默契就是爱

努力想藏这刻曼妙
不觉中悄悄融化了
变成最幸福的味道
忘了烦恼可爱多好
不需要说什么
呼吸之间就尝到了你我
心电感应
我看见loves
in the end

丘比特胡闹唠叨的月老
缘分来了他们谁也管不了
就放手去爱
loves in the end
花开得很好风吹得很好
只要你在什么都好
爱的香味随空气飘

呜喔~~~

hungry

today do lots of things..
finally.... manage to meet yi chong... edo... aaron...
wow... all d spb-ians.. so glad tat u all still remember me:D
hehe... but so sorry tat i hv to go n meet d korean... so cant chat for long...
nyway... really glad to c u all again:D

then... when i reach FOE... BR1020~ they are actually having their social gathering..
wow... it's cool:D
hehe... all d local fruits are there..
n today i manage to noe another new gal named sae hae..
she told me tat her name actually means "happy new year"
wat a meaningful name she has:D
hehe...

then as wat we plan... we went to hb and hv lunch...
luckily the shops are open:D
hehe... after the lunch break.. it shud b d buddy system... but too bad... it's midterm break.. many havent come bek.. so they postpone it..
and replace d thing with their preparation for presentation on coming monday...
n i requested to be in d computer lab.. hehe..
and it was granted.. so nice:D
hehe... thx sir...
n i helped kil kil n ping sang to do their slides on soju.. hehe..
they perform well:D thumbs up

after tat they hv their briefing on homestay for one hour..
i use tat one hour to wander around at campus...
then after tat go n join their dance practice..hehe...
so kepoh la me:p
ahhaha.... but i really feel happy today..

hungry hungry..
hehe... no apetite tis afternoon.. so eat a little bit only...
so.. nw hungry hungry after d dance lo....
luckily i brought bek lots of stocks.. :D hehe...
cooking...


it's meat n vege.. :D
hehe.... just simple cooking to fill in d stomach...
kla..
time to wash d dishes...
chaoz:D
happy day

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

7th August 2007

today is papa's bday...
i feel so useless...
suddenly lost all d ideas on hw to help him celebrate..
supposaly it shud b a day to b happy...
to hv joy n cheers around with him..
but i lost my might...

i woke up late tis morning...
dint manage to send him d earliest wishes..
it's my fault... again...
sorry....
i cud only send a sms to send my truthful birthday wishes to u, my dearest papa..

then.. time to visit popo...
wasn't tat down yet... coz i still dunno wat has happened...
then on d way to d hospital... mum chatted with me...
told me wat had happened all tis while when i was at cyberjaya..
n wat had happened actually tis morning...
n i lost my might to console mum..
i dunno wat to do...

one of d nurses or mayb d doctors told popo tat she actually having cancer...
she has been told by us tat there's nth wrong with her health all the time cz we hope tat she will be kept from d news bout having cancer so that she wont think negatively.. losing d will to strive hard to be healthy...
but.. tis morning.. d secret being revealed..
popo burst into tears...
she cudnt accept d fact..
she lost her will.... lost hope...
i can c mama actually feel vr sad too..
yet she has to tell me tis with such a calm tone...
pretending tat she's ok... she's alrite...
there's nth i can do...
or i shud say... i dunno wat i shud do...

when visit popo... i can c tat she wish to bek home...
hoping tat d doctor can let her discharge...
we wish too.. but her condition does not allow her to be bek home with us.. i feel so sorry...

after visit popo.. i went to fetch gong gong go cut hair...
i was scolded for driving badly by gong gong..
i hold my tears... cz i ored tried my best to do everything..
i really lost d direction.. i dunno wat shud i do...

i hope i can be strong gal..
be tough gal..
a gal tat can b relied on by my parents..
but it's so hard..

Wednesday, August 01, 2007

wat a day

jz woke up from nap....
si gundu said nap is good... so mah try lo...
mana tau... end up nw headache..
no mean to say u r bad la.. haha:P

but today really nt my day...
tis morning got SIG2 lab...
damn sui la.... haih
ppl do three stimulation ad... my first stimulation still dun wana come out..
keep on giving me errors..
errors which even d lecturer oso dint noe hw to solve.. stupiak !
then? keep on redo lo....
end up... lecturer said " i think u better do d next circuit first."
then do d next one lo...
mana tau.. less than 5 minutes done...
argh..... stupiak...

relieved... got d graph ad....
mana tau... when i ask d lecturer to come n gv me d marks..
d sot pc.. hang jor...
argh...... y la like tat...
luckily d lecturer saw tat i really got do d graph..
so she said i nid to redo one for her.. then she'll gv me marks for other graph stil..
whew....
then evaluation part...
hmm... i forgot d answer...
then only get 0.5...
but still relieved tat got 4.5 over 5 marks... :D

hope tat everything will be fine later for my test at nite :(

jiayou!~~

everyday open laptop then will c tis

dunno hw they doin leh??
hope all are fine.... :D
cz cant hv the time to meet them....
jz like wat kong write in his status msg....
i miss d camp too...
wat a bout u??

feast~ stupiak in nid of food..


haha...
today eat damn a lot of food... why?
coz ar... tension gua...
haha.. summore tat stupiak ECT so hard to understan..
so mah treat myself nice food lo.. hehee...
for my brain :P
===> photo taken at sumwhere at FOE...
while waiting for my junior for yangqin... :P
wahahhaha

afternoon.. hmm.... i dint take pic... cz too rush ad...
it's actually frozen food from mama's kitchen...
haha... mama prepared it ad.. then frozen it..
n all i nid to do is jz heat it up...
yummy yummy... delicious.. :P
it's chicken wings with potato n oso sum gravy... muacks..

then go class eat /? haha... ROTI BOY...
so paiseh ... dare not eat from d packet..
so peel it with my finger..
but... not so nice.. cz it's not freshly made ad..
ored put there for a long time... but still got d smell la.. haha...


evening.... HUNGRY ar... in nid of food man~~
here it comes...
d snacks house delivery.. only cost me RM4.50 then i can eat till u can only see my teeth when i smile... hahaha... or i shud say.. cant hear my voice cz i very concentrate in eating.. ahhaha
tis is it.. d special nasi goreng ... but i wonder y it's so spicy cz i ask for d non spicy one..
anyway.. it tastes great... :D


then ar.... got d sms from si gundu tat he went to baskin robbins...
hmm.... ice cream...
since he so nice.. haha.. n i so greedy..
so ask him dapao for me..
cz i cant go out... got too many things to do...
n gv it to me at nite lo...
i jz finish d twinberries...
haha... he said wat twinberries better than uniberry..
hope tat wont get syntax error.... wat d hell.. ahhahha... study too much ad...
nywya.. gamsiah a lot for d treat yo:D

i think tat's all gua...
ahhaha...
got to sleep
tml got lab yo...
jiayou :D

~ wish weird weird mood good good ya... :) ~