my holiday

three years of suffering... torturing...
31st of May...
d call of deathmaster brought him away...

though i dun really hv much memories of him
cz i was still young tat time...
d only few pieces of memories tat still vividly in my mind are those tat happened at my old house.. Jalan Duku
the one tat will never be forgotten by our family is that..
he was alwz d 1st to pay visit for every CNY..
with d old motorbike... under d hot sun...
wearing d old shirts... with d tanned skin..
n we the nieces will bring him a big bowl of dessert tat mama will alwz cook every CNY..
then only he'd go to gugong's house =)

then all d memories tat i got in my mind are those tat after his accident..
i still remember he was lying on d stretcher at hospital pantai..
with all d blood all over his face n body...
then luck was not on his side...
he fall dwn when he was recovering...
n tat was d source that cause him cudnt walk and think properly anymore..
lying on d chair, looking at d sky alone outside his house...
poor bemu still hv to take care of him though she sprained her back when carry him to bathe..

i still remember there's once he told us tat he saw his mama which was my grandmother at d nite...
we were shocked tat time... as tat was d day we were preparing for grandmother's death anniversary..
guess grandmother also worry bout his dear son...

bebe loved paos...
d pictures of him trying to fit in three paos into his mouth still in my mind... so clear....
tat was d time when he not noeing hw to differ hungry n full...
n oso d time when he cudnt really recognise us...
all we can do is jz bring him sth tat he adore lots..

time flies.. n it's true...
it's ored three years...
sum says "so pity... he was just 61 years old.." but sum says " mayb it's good for him... so tat he wont suffer anymore.."
me? i dunno... just trying my best to do as much as i can to help in d funeral...
i asked my mum tat day when we got d call bout his death,"do u still remember when was d time we got d news tat bebe accident?"
i was surprised tat mum still can remember all d sequence of d incidents...

bout papa? guess he's d one tat feel most geksim...
tis is d first time i deliver death news to sumone..
summore is to my dad...
stay strong karen... stay strong papa...
my tears flow down though i resisted it... cz my heart really shatters when i heard my papa crying on d other side of d phone when i told him bout bebe's death...
it's been hard for him for sure... noeing tat his eldest brother had passed away yet still hv to continue his work at shanghai for 7 days only bek to malaysia...
i noe there's nth i can do to ease his pain...
but all i noe is tat i hv to stay strong... stay calm... so as to help my mama n to represent papa to help in d funeral since he's not around in malaysia...
i hope wat i did for d past few weeks really help...

but who wud hv thot tat tis is not d first blow for us...
d next day of bebe's death..
early in d morning we got gonggong's call...popo's condition worsen...
we rushed to popo's house... she was shivering...
we were lost... we were so ganjiong.. wat to do... wat to do...
then without hesitating.. my mama,my sis, my cousin n d maid carry d half-conscious popo into uncle's car n rushed to hospital...
i felt bad at tat time as i cudnt help much...
cz i'm those tat will vomit when i see sumbody vomit...
n so.. all i can do is jz trying to calm d crying baby cousin tat was left at d living room...
i felt so sorry at tat time....

mama, sis n me... the three of us are lost....
we were so scared... no... no...
hw can u be so cruel, deathmaster...
u cannot take her away... no..
i prayed so hard on d way to hospital...
my hand trembling with fear... tis is d first time i felt so scared...
tis is so wrong...

dripping, injection, d pulse rate machine, blood pressure machine... all kinds... three four pipes on her hands...
i looked at my mum... she tried her best to stay calm..
n so i thot .. i must be strong... cz mama still nid me...
but i was fear cz doctor asked three of us must stayback cz things might happen at anytime...
goodness... wat shud we do?
uncles and aunties stayed in d hospital to standby.. while we go to my bebe's funeral cz no matter wat it is... we still hv to go there for a while cz it's paternal side summore papa not in...
but on d journey to bebe's house..
mama burst.... we let her sat at d passenger seats...
n she cry under d darkness... trying her best not to let us notice she was shedding tears...
she must be very tired mentally...
rushing here n there...
n worrying bout her mother tat's still lying in d hospital...
me n my sis just stay quiet... let her release her worries into tears..

popo's condition was critical for bout three days...
then gradually under d doctors' n nurses' observation... she's better ad...
i'm so glad... i feel so glad tat she's better ad....
thank god...

but d fever still will attack her...
just nw went to hospital to visit her...
her lips crack... lost weight...
so pale looking... n shivering in cold... cz having fever...
but all i can do is jz pray...
hope there's any medicine tat can lessen her pain...
let her feel better.. more comfortable...

bebe rest in peace.... popo jiayou....