burst out

everything seems to happen so abruptly..
all of a sudden... i feel tat i'm so weak in accepting d truth in life...
so obsessed in d life of a free n "good for nth"gal...
reluctant to throw myself out from d comfort zone...
reluctant to believe wat's being told or wat's in front of me..
kind of disappointed with d "me"
i hope it is still nt too late for me to learn from it...

d truth in life is alwz sth so cruel..
it jz like a sharp knife tat stabbed into ur deepest heart..
it's either to be accepted or u'll gonna live in agony... live in ur own world...
deceiving ur ownself by ur own honeyed words to convince urself not to believe wat's actually happened in ur life...
hw silly it is.... silly....

it really test my maturity in dealing with these....
test my maturity in behaving myself to act normally in front of frens though my heart is bleeding...
torturing myself to be strong yest.... not to show out d weakness in me in front of u all..
but i failed....
when i got d news from d other side of d phone after d movie.... d tears just cudnt stop flowing dwn my cheeks...
i hate to be like tat.... seems like i spoil d whole atmosphere.... sorry
but i'm still not tat tough enuf till i cud stop myself from thinking of it....

however... d worst part is when i gonna b d character in d topic of cheering up all...
hw fake is tat...
i hold my tears.... hold it thru....
i wonder y i hv to b d character... y...
though i dun mind... but after u hv noe it... noe tat i'm suffering from sadness... from down....
yet i'm chosen to be teased.....
it's not funny at all for me.... but it seems to be effective for d others....
n so... i gv up fighting... let go of my pride n all... let it be....
let it be..... i dun care........
since i've no more energy to fight bek... to fight bek tat... hv u ever put urself into my situation?

tired of all these....
trying my best to throw myself into d atmosphere of moving house today...
just to forget everything..
n it did help... after all d hard work in moving all those stuffs from A1 to C1...
sweating is best for me nw... getting myself out from thinking so much...
bout all things...

karen jiayou....... jiayou......
sumtimes... let go is gud...
dun hold everything urself.... it's not ur fault...
u r not d one shud b blamed on...
jz try ur best... n everything will be fine...
cz u just wana be urself... so just be...
u r u urself.... noone can change d fact...
jiayou

P/S: thx for ah jack n gkai in helping to move house.... n thx for yi cheng bring me go c doctor n oso thx for lending me d car... thx for tomato in assisting me thru... thx to all...