wat is she thinking actually?

i came bek muar on saturday evening...
kah fook fetched wendy, me, n ah tian bek from spore...
cz popo's condition get worsen...
n 2nd uncle with the whoile family as well as 2nd auntie with her daughter also rushed bek from spore d morning on d same day...

cudnt really accept tat things really happen so fast..
still remember tat time we were rushing to n fro for popo n bebe...
n nw... popo's condition gets critical...
on n off she cud recognise us..
she has a bad back sore..
yellowish eyes, skin tat really frightens me..
although i knew it b4 it happens as i read from d book when we jz found out tat she has pancreas cancer... n tat's d symtoms..
but still... i cudnt accept it

n tat's wat happens when we reach muar n wat we saw in her when we went to hospital to see her..
then... kim stay overnite to take k of her..
as at tis stage, popo will struggle... cz she's in pain..
terrible pain.. tat none of us can imagine...
n poor popo will be tight up by d cloths on her hands n oso legs....
it's so heartbreaking when i saw d cloths on d table at d side...
when mama told me tat's d cloths used to tie her hands n legs..

d next day...
doctor actually told kim to inform us to bring popo home..
as there's nth much they can do ored...
no matter how we beg or i shud say bargain to let popo stay for another few days...
d reason i put bargain.. as we actually ask to let her stay for two days... then being rejected.. then we cut dwn d days to one day...
yet none being accepted...
cz as wat d doctor said... dripping has no effects on her...
n we hv to accept d fact...
at tat moment.... tears filled in all d presents' eyes...
but at least we tried....

then arrange for ambulance n all...
n she's bek home...

today is d 2nd day she's at home...
i dun feel tat she look good..
cz her lips turn a lil black... d skin too...
stomach still swollen...till d waist as well...
but surprisingly... her swollen legs... has no longer swollen...
i asked..... y...
none of the adults answered me...
then i heard the answer from d talkings....
it means bad.... not good....

in d evening... 2nd auntie called my mum...
n said... popo jz vomited d "blackish stuff" which i oso dunno hw to name it...
n again... sumbody from d family asked d doctor...
wat does it mean...
n it means bad.... not good....

adults jz keep telling me...
shud b these two days...
but she has a vr strong will to get well... get better...
she doesnt want to go so fast...
however.... in another way of thinking... which oso makes sense..
mayb... she'll feel better if she goes...
cz she's really suffering... it's so torturing...

but wat's in her mind tat force her not to let go??
sum say she jz cudnt let go.... but y??
mayb she still wan to c sumone...??
mayb she still waiting for sumone...??
someone tat she's been missing...??
i dunno....