~ Quicksand ~

At him, she stares…
D broadest smile on his face tat she nvr see b4 since they met…
N nw she noes… she’ll nvr b d one…
D one he wants…

Blood dripping from her shattered heart…
Tears flowing dwn from her rosy cheeks…
Nth she can do…
Except accepting d fact where she’ll nvr b d one…
D one she wants to be…

All d hard work she made to stand up all over again from d fall is just like worthless..
As she can nvr b able to share it with him….
D one she cares most….
Since d tragedy happened…

Waiting silently…
Crying quietly…
Hiding perfectly all d luv she wana gv….
But hw she gonna overcome all tis when he’s not hers…
Nvr hers…

Everything seems like meaningless to her nw…
Even breathing d air is like d hardest thing for her to do…
Looking at his name appearing on handphone has become d cruelest thing for her…
As she doesn’t noe what she shud react..
Everything seems like relating to him…
A single thought no matter how …will still let her links to him…
N tat’s where she burst down….

He conquers her world…
Her life…
Her thoughts…
Her everything…

A silent night…. Would no longer b silent anymore…
As d crying in d heart will still be roaring around herself…
“hw m I going to heal tis shattered heart?
Hw m I going to live life thru?
Looking at him but nvr be with him? “ she thought..
She’ll 4eva b d bridesmaid but nvr d bride…

Accepting d truth has alwz been d cruelest thing…
Overcoming obstacles in life is alwz so hard…
But all these r time consuming…

Without knowing anything…
D silly guy kept on searching for tis gal…
As tis gal decided to hide…
To evaporate from his life…
But she fails to do so…
As we can nvr escape from fate…

Fate brought them to get to noe each other…
Fate brought them thru lives…
N tat’s wat life is…
Alwz so unpredictable…

However…
She knew..
There’s sth tat she has to do…
Which is stepping out from his life…
N b bek herself again…
D gal tat nvr rely on him…
N slowly… she will… n so she believes…

D gal tat had been hurt for her previous luv…
Finally she manage to get to noe another new life with tis guy…
Tat where she at last find out wat she wants…
Somehow…she has been fooled..
Somehow… she Has been injured again…

Reminisces d moments….
Each n every single piece of d memory they hv went thru…
Hw nice…
Hw sweet…

Remember when, the time when they never needed each other…
Till they are tied together…
The best frens of
like brother n sister…
tat they understood they’ll nvr b alone…
as they made each other so different from the crowd…

but those days has gone…
n she wanted so much…
yet don’t know hw to say tis out…
tat she needed him so much…
n she nvr meant to feel tis way…
it’s all out of expectation…

but what can she do??

Everything has changed,
How she gonna make all tis right?

It’s just like quicksand…
The more she struggles..
The deeper she sinks into it…
N so… she noes..

she has fallen in luv wit him at tis time…

luv my family..., muacks

It takes a lot to know what is love
Its not the big things, but the little things
That can mean enough
A lot of prayers to get me through
And there is never a day that passes by
I don't think of you
You were always there for me
Pushing me and guiding me
Always to succeed

You showed me
When I was young just how to grow
You showed me
Everything that I should know
You showed me
Just how to walk without your hands
cause mom you always were
The perfect fan

God has been so good
Blessing me with a family
Who did all they could
And I've had many years of grace
And it flatters me when I see a smile on your face
I wanna thank you for what you've done
In hopes I can give back to you
And be the perfect son

You showed me
When I was young just how to grow
You showed me
Everything that I should know
You showed me
Just how to walk without your hands
cause mom you always were
The perfect fan

You showed me how to love
You showed me how to care
And you showed me that you would
Always be there
I wanna thank you for that time
And I'm proud to say you're mine

You showed me
When I was young just how to grow
You showed me
Everything that I should know
You showed me
Just how to walk without your hands
cause mom you always were
The perfect fan

cause mom you always were,
Mom you always were
Mom you always were,
You know you always were
cause mom you always were... the perfect fan
I love you mom

happiness

wat a word..
a word tat bring d sweetest feel to all...
however... hw many of us get d happiness in our lives?
n hw many of us actually noe wat really bring us d happiness?
:p

to a little kid tat nvr tasted d taste of a lollipop...
mayb.. a try on d taste of a lollipop will gv him d greatest happiness in life...
n tat's wat will alwz vividly remembered in his mind..

to a gal tat had jz broke up...
mayb... a last date with her love one will b enuf for her to live thru d rest of her life...

to a single parent tat strive hard to make d child b able to obtain d father+mother love...
mayb... a smile or a peck on d cheek from d luvable child will b d happiness of life...
where d single parent will feel blessed..

to someone....
mayb.... being a milionaire will only b his or her happiness...

hence....
happiness might be d simplest thing tat we did almost everyday...
or sth tat will nid a lot of efforst in order to be achieved...
or nvr will it be achieved...

sum1 ask me b4..
what's d happiest thing in ur life?
an easy Q tat is so hard to be answered..
i got blank.... as i couldn't think of one..
or i shud say... i donno...
then.... only i notice tat...

tis is my happiest thing in my life...
where i find my happiness...
d moment tat i woke up n feel d breeze of d air...
where i noe tat it's a brand new day again....
n tat's d clue where i can still search for a better life....
n do d things i like...
n get things solved

it's as easy as tat...
happiness~
think of it...
n d revolutions for d coming 2007 too...
:D

may d one who read tis noe wat's ur happiness..
grab ur each n every single chance to do wat u like in tis 2006...
left no regret in it...
as happiness is alwz in d control of our strength...
it's within our control...
jz to take it or not..
sometimes... let go is also a kind of happiness... who noes...:P
so cherish d few days left in tis 2006...
as u'll nvr given a second chance to turn d clock back...
may god bless u..
jiayou jiayou

Life is so unpredictable

Life is so unpredictable…
Things never happen within our expectations…
No matter good or bad…
There’ll alwz b sth tat surprise us in any way… any kind…
U cant find d reason…
U cant find d solution…
It’s all in it….
Ur heart….
D feeling in ur heart….

D familiar feel….
as if u hv knew it for long…
but it’s jz another feel tat is similar…

ponder around… wonder around…
confusion….
Wat is it actually??\
Isit a symptom of luv??
Or it’s a feel tat hv been missed for long…
Or it’s a catchy feel tat woke up d lonely soul…
Or it’s jz nth….. jz nth….

D hardest thing to be guessed is nvr d hardest riddle in d world…
But d feeling of a human being…
One can nvr guess correctly wat is it in d heart till things happen…
Till then he or she will either relieve or regret on it…

N so… take it seriously…
No matter it’s a bitter feel or d sweetest feel tat u nvr hv it b4..
As it will bring u to either agony or brighten ur days…
Who noes…

life is so dramatic… It’s jz like a drama…one said…
we r d directors of our drama… I responded..
no… god is d director… we r jz d actor or actress for our drama… he opposed…
god is jz a guide… it’s jz like we r directing our own sail while god is d wind tat guide us thru…. I answered…

so what do u think??

hohoho... MERRY XMAS~~

hohoho...
merry merry Xmas...
wat a Xmas i had...
hehe
though without d accompaniment of my family members...
but i celebrated it with all my dearest "kai" family...
yeppee...
so happy...
so glad to hv them with me...
n thx for all tat sent sms or testimonials to me for d wishes...
arigato... hahahah....
luv u all....
may god bless u...
jiayou!!

yesterday...

today is another new day....
freezing cold day....
with a warm heart... hehe
frens one by one goin bek hometwn....
me?? stuck in cyberjaya... hehe

yesterday was d last day for on air lo...
few weeks of on air in tis sem...
i really learn a lot...
n thx for my partner helping me thru d on air session n collecting information...
n thx for giving me tat opportunity....

yesterday was d last day for me to be "little gal"
hehe..
gonna grow up lo...
hahaha... no longer being pampered, no longer manja lo..
but at least i hv that 40 days of memory mah...
it's more than enuf... :D

at least i feel relieved and relax now...
as things getting smoother..
one by one...
n i'm getting better in handling my messy life...
though i'm still piggy..
sleep till afternoon...
but will adjust again my whole life...
haha...
wont so duo luo...
n wont so tui fei anymore...
jiayou!

woke up from my agony

after some days of drowning in my life....
haha....
finally i manage to woke myself up...
whew.... this is not me...
hehe....

gain back d c0lours....
gain back d energy...
gain back d confidence...
yeah~~
may god bless me....
jiayou jiayou

d true me.... disappointed?

dazing... dreaming... sleeping...
other than that... i dunno wat i can do...
trying to hide myself from everyone...
but seems like it's impossible..
since avoiding it's nvr d best way to solve problem...

yet... when time get tough...
when someone get weaker...
they tend to do so...
n it's sth tat can nvr b denied...

wana share it out...
but dunno how to start it too...
i'm a coward actually...
a coward tat dare not face d frankest truth deep in my heart...

hiding at one corner...
lying to myself tat i can do it...
avoiding my sweetest mother's nag...
heading myself towards agony....
then blaming myself for doing nth....

wat has happened to me lately?
my mind is totally blank...
or in a mess??
i also couldn't find it out...
all i noe is...
helping others in need to solve their prob...
though i'm in agony...
ya... right@@
ppl find it funny... bet u feel it too...
but at least.. it makes me feel ease as ppl around me still living thru d obstacles..
n tat's wat i want..

but when can i solve my prob...?
though i'm delighted tat someone has made me smile at last...
someone has finally let me noe tat i'm nvr alone...
as there's alwz support n advice from them..
thx...
but still i'm d only one tat can pull myself out from tis..

i'm really grateful to hv u at tis time around...
at least i feel d comfort...
i feel d warm...
tat i'm nt facing tis prob alone...
cz i'm actually a timid gal... :(

??

sometimes i really dunno wat i shud do to please them...
not to say to please them actually...
just...
do the thing tat they nvr suspect...

i wonder y....
it's jz a news on going bek would be so hurt to me...
mayb it's bcz i emphasis too much on it...
n it makes me shatters my heart nw...

thinking bek home should b sth tat please them and please me too...
making everyone delighted as d gal tat nvr been home so long time
has finally spare out her time to be prepared to c the family....
yet...
when d news of heading bek home for Xmas was broke off jz nw...
doesn't seem to please them at all..
but being suspected on....

i feel pain in heart...
finding out tat i really dunno who i m...
n wat i shud do...
finding out tat tis is not wat i want...
i've been harsh in words jz nw...
as i'm being hurt by d words...
d words tat chase away all my desire n dreams to bek home...

blind vs mean

she...

she thot he'll dry her tears
when she's scared...
she thot that he'll comfort her tears
when she's worried...
she thot that he'll be the one who will nvr break d promises of wat she wants..
but all and all it's all lies...
he's a liar....

heart shatters...
tears splashes...
hope vanishes...

d cruelest fact which spoils her mood whole day...
is when she found out tat she's been stamped on d eyes...
nvr notice tat she's chosen d wrong fren...
keeping him as her dearest fren yet being fooled...

he noes wat she wants...
he noes wat she emphasis on....
he noes almost everything of her....
but still he did tat to her...

not tat she has nvr made confirmation...
again n again...
day n night... she find him to ask for d final answer...
does he really able to fulfill tat promise//
n without hesitation...
the answer from d guy is "YES"

n so it's proven again....
she's blind...
or shud we say tat he's mean...

nvr ever make promises where u can nvr fulfil..
making a promise is as easy as just utter out a statement...
but keeping it or breaking it will change d whole image of urs to the others...
so think of it...
if u cant do it...then dun simply say... "SURE"
nvr ever make promises where u can nvr fulfil

pain pain..

jz bek from McD...
finish my test at 930pm... wat a stupiak paper.. which makes myself such a fool ...
dunno wat i'm writing...
haih.... watever tat is done is being done...
wat can i do??

tml pms assignment due date pulak...
then lots more assignments coming up...
it's all cramp together... holly shit...
hw i wish i can hv a rest....
miss u my dear........ dream....

For a fren like u

dare not to face the reality??
don't worry... i'm here..
dare not to shout out wat is in ur mind??
don't worry... i wont force u...

what is it being ur fren??
is nt alwz be with u...
is nt only to laugh with u...
but whenever u r afraid, i'll b brave for u...
whenever u feel alone, i'm jz a phone call away...
whenever u fall, i'll catch u..
whenever u r sad, i'll do anything to make u glad...
i may not alwz noe wat to do or say...
cz i've my limit too..
but i'll help in anyway....

so...
despite the distance between us...
for a fren like u...
i'm willing to share the time i hv...
to not only touch ur heart...
but also ur soul...

jz alwz remember...
no matter wat happens...
i'm still here when every1 walks out from ur world...

ya... it's time

somehow...
tis is my own promises...
once it's being said out... it muz be done..

made up my mind and step out a step..
i noe it's silly but somehow tis is wat i've decided..
so i mz face it..

i've been searching for a comfort zone...
i remembered one senior told me b4 tat when one left his or her comfort zone..
one will lost.... i think tat's wat i m few days ago...

though my emotions is not tat stable yet...
i'll still collapse...
i'll still fed up...
i'll still hv a bit of regret...
but i'll be tough... tough enuf to do it all over again...

searching for the comfort zone of mine...
striving for the mission impossible... =)
trying watever tat i can.. watever tat i hv to stand up again...

thx for the phone call yesterday.. my fren...
it's not just a simple call...
i learn a lot from it...
i nvr regret sharing all d things with u...
i nvr regret spending bout 7 hours in tat call...
cz in tat 7 hours... i feel d care n luv from a fren...
n d moral support tat i'm alwz search for....
n tat's wat i can nvr find it these few days...
(n sorry to my roomie... =D thx for being so undestandng..)

to all...
dun worry...
i'm bek to me...
no more cctv...
no more dragging...
no more wasting...

welcome you... my dear...
u're bek... karen
n i blive.. u can do it

crap-ing~~

morning morning~~~
i woke up at 530am tis morning...

oh my....
it's been a long time i dint wake up so early ad..
hehe.... :P
n early in the morning got one msn msg from my long lost contact fren....
so happy~~!!!
as they are my frens in malacca tat time tat spent the time together to strive hard in SPAIN DANCE!!!
but..... it's all bcz of the busy routine work....
cant meet them up~~~ :(
n tis afternoon my bestfrens all come KL...
n once again cz of the hectic life...
aiyaya..... so sad... cant go meet them up...

aduhai....
miss them so much...
miss my malacca life when i busy practicing my dance though hv to wear tat stupiak high heel..
leg will very pain... but all d pain is worth it... cz i got to noe so many great frens at tat time..
miss my SAB life... though many unhappy thingy happened tat time...
but it's sweet n sour la... =D
no matter wat... they are still the one tat spend the secondary school time with me...
n they are still the one tat i'll miss...
miss Puan Norhuda, Puan Norasyikin, Puan Rashidah, Puan Fong...
hehe.... :P

kla... i oso dunno wat i'm writing.. hehe...
jz simply write.. cz wana waste my time:P
bek to reality lo~~

jiayou jiayou

standing in front of the mirror...
looking at the person inside the mirror..
it's exactly the same person that i'm familiar with..
but why i feel like i'm a stranger to it?
it's like even i myself also couldn't read her mind..

one hour of talk with the academic advisor...
two hours of talk with my dearest mummy...
three hours of lectures with two respective persons...

i'm sorry if i've been harsh to you in words..
i don't mean it..
i'm sorry if i've been disappointing you in actions...
i dont' mean it...
i'm sorry if i've been rude to you in manners..
i dont mean it....
i'm sorry if i've been rebellious to you in asking for help...
i don't mean it...

i've lost my mind...
never been so lost before...
and i dunno hw to take it...
and so... somehow... i'm avoiding to face the fact...
and that's why i've been doing things that i nvr did b4...

trying my best to stand up from the fall...
struggling hard to gain back the confidence from the foe...
no doubt, i'm very scared now...
tears flow dwn my cheeks all the time...
i'm getting weaker n weaker...
how i wish i can fight back the "me" that i used to be as soon as possible..
as i hate the "me" now...

time is all i need..
and i wish that i've the support and care from you...
but not the nag that i fear most...
don't worry... i'll do as wat u said...
it's not a big deal of falling down...
but most importantly... i want you to know that i noe wat i'm doing...

more than just a fren

She’s searched around the world from north to south and east to west..
Day and night, in search of a fren bcz she only wanted the best..
Tis fren of hers must be sincere n kind…
Tis fren of hers must nt be a guy…:P
But tis fren of hers must be happy and alwz hv her in his mind..
Someone who is happy and full of cheer..
Someone who noes hw to hv lots of fun and when time get rough… wont run…

She’s blessed tat she’s found tis fren…
He makes her life whole again when “he” turn her dwn…
He makes her noe tat life will not be so meaningful if she do nt change her mind..
He makes her appreciate all he did for her, when he picked her up, and said everything is going to be fine.
“I luv u my fren” she said…
N things are nvr be the same again..

“I truly cherish u… till suddenly I found out tat for wat u did… there’s a reason bhind it..
U r so special to me.. n u had make a difference in my life… or shud I say.. my whole world..
No matter hw often u talk or hw close u r to me… I jz wanted to ask u,” y u make tat decision?”
N for tat u lied to me…
My dam crack.. n so I burst …
I dun understand… I couldn’t understand…

I look up to you, respect you, and truly cherish you…
With the accompaniment of the moon and the glittering stars,
Finally it gaves me the bravery to say tis out…
WHY?
U r so disappointing me… as u dare not to answer the Q face to face wit me…
However those who cannot change their mind cannot change anything…
At least… I got the answer in ur eyes..
The stupidest fool I m in ur eyes…”

But the stupidest fool found out tat she is really such a fool after she get to noe the fact…
The fact tat she actually not only treating him as a fren…
But more than wat she wana be..
But never what he wana her to be….
But she’s not clear… not clear of herself too…
N not clear of wat is in her mind…
But she couldn’t shout out wat she feels too…
For the sack of everyone…

Daring herself to really make up her mind?
Daring him to change the decision made in his mind?
Daring herself to figure out all the unwanted possibilities in his mind?
Or daring him to figure out all the unwanted possibilities in others’ mind?

A decision maker… a co-operative party of the decision maker…. A fren in need…. A heart in sin….
Things changed… without expecting…
But can she change too??????
Perhaps the answer is a NO…
Losing him will be her greatest regret and so…
choosing to avoid is wat she doing nw..
Choosing to keep a distance with him is wat she can think nw…
This is the rules of the game…
N she’ll follow the rules…
As she doesn’t wan to exceed the boundaries…
As she doesn’t wan to lose him…
And afraid of losing him

Her dearest fren in this world…