7th August 2007

today is papa's bday...
i feel so useless...
suddenly lost all d ideas on hw to help him celebrate..
supposaly it shud b a day to b happy...
to hv joy n cheers around with him..
but i lost my might...

i woke up late tis morning...
dint manage to send him d earliest wishes..
it's my fault... again...
sorry....
i cud only send a sms to send my truthful birthday wishes to u, my dearest papa..

then.. time to visit popo...
wasn't tat down yet... coz i still dunno wat has happened...
then on d way to d hospital... mum chatted with me...
told me wat had happened all tis while when i was at cyberjaya..
n wat had happened actually tis morning...
n i lost my might to console mum..
i dunno wat to do...

one of d nurses or mayb d doctors told popo tat she actually having cancer...
she has been told by us tat there's nth wrong with her health all the time cz we hope tat she will be kept from d news bout having cancer so that she wont think negatively.. losing d will to strive hard to be healthy...
but.. tis morning.. d secret being revealed..
popo burst into tears...
she cudnt accept d fact..
she lost her will.... lost hope...
i can c mama actually feel vr sad too..
yet she has to tell me tis with such a calm tone...
pretending tat she's ok... she's alrite...
there's nth i can do...
or i shud say... i dunno wat i shud do...

when visit popo... i can c tat she wish to bek home...
hoping tat d doctor can let her discharge...
we wish too.. but her condition does not allow her to be bek home with us.. i feel so sorry...

after visit popo.. i went to fetch gong gong go cut hair...
i was scolded for driving badly by gong gong..
i hold my tears... cz i ored tried my best to do everything..
i really lost d direction.. i dunno wat shud i do...

i hope i can be strong gal..
be tough gal..
a gal tat can b relied on by my parents..
but it's so hard..