terrified

somehow... it just scares me...
though all of us shud be mentally prepared bout tis...
i had a hectic week... a real hectic one..
tat made me hv to cancel going for my chinese orchestra practice for the performance on saturday, cancel my chinese orchestra class with my juniors, cancel goin for salsa class, on air with my juniors and workshop for 10th anniversary and last but not least the volunteer work that i've alwz wish to join in MIFC...
i truly apologize for all these.... i'm sorry

when i though that i nearly can put an end on the bad performance on my two tests tis week,
friday which was yesterday, when i went for a proper lunch which i had missed for the week, i got a call from wendy..
i answered it happily as i miss her since i hardly hv d chance to contact with her..
but d tone of d sound that i had from her was so gloomy.. so stress.. so sad.... so scares me...
she talked about grandma... she talked about she rushed bek to muar d day before as grandma barely breath... she mentioned about grandma's condition which sound so alike with wat had happen few years ago on gu gong.... and then she mentioned about... grandma might leave us in any second...

goodness.... tis is a real blow to me...
i dunno hw to handle it... cz it's jz scares me...
i was petrified tat time... i wish there's sum1 tat i can actually count on to.. tell me wat i shud do..
which might be silly to others cz it might be sth easily taken by those tat ored mentally prepared..
but though i look like one tat might be strong... yet i'm not..

i tried to breath deeply... stay calm... n then ask further Q to make sure tat she's clear bout wat she's talking about...
n wat i get is true...
"u better get bek muar whenever u can... cz she's really weak... which anyone of us dun wana hv any regrets, rite?"
then i hold my tears... to stay calm n think of d solutions....

she felt sorry tat she cudnt stay for long in muar... coz she had work to do... summore in bangkok...
but i'm in msia... i'm in cyberjaya... i shud b bek home...
n so i did... i plan it... ya... plan it..
i called my dad who is in bali... to ask him whether i can hv a ride on his bus... then i called tina...
then only i got to noe that i'm d only one who noes nth....
cz i'm having midterm tests n all... n mum dint wana tell me bout grandma's condition...
n so... i decided to folo tina's car bek muar on d next day which is today...

we reach at bout 5pm.. then we strait away go to grandma's hse...
mum was coughing badly... she lost her weight... look pale...
uncle oso look tired...
when i walked into d hse... i saw grandpa sitting on d chair he used to sit bside d telephone facing grandma which was lying on d restchair.. trying his best to observe her every movement.. to fulfil her every need...
then i approach grandma....
she was awake tat time when i squat dwn n talk to her...
she still has d smile on her face... still worry bout my mum's cough... ask me to take k of my mum... but i saw her tears at d edge of her eyes...
she's so skinny.... she's so weak...
she cant even feel her feet... she can only feel numb on her feet...
cudnt stand... cudnt eat...
but at least... i'm glad tat she still noes me...
she will still stay awake for sumtime... not as bad as wat wendy mentioned to me...
cz tat's really bad if tat happen again...
but we jz hv to alwz be prepared for d worst....

mum talked bout wat had happen two days ago...
which they thought they might hv lost grandma....
grandma fainted.. n all of them cried....
but thank god... she stil here....
still here.....
not another blow for us....
pray for u, popo