sumwhere inside me

i almost got insane yesterday nite.......
i wonder it's my personal problem or it's bcz they r just acting too much....
is it bcz of d low EQ i had???
seriously....
i was pissed off.....
cz it makes me feel tat
all i've told them are actually being treated like bull shit...
n it makes me feel tat i'm being fooled
n in d end i hv to face d consequences myself.....
consequences tat not bcz of wat i did.........

thinking tat i've finished off part of d task.....
i shud gv sum trust.... sum hope tat everything will b ok if i pass it on to them.......
however... sadly....
it's proven tat....
again n again.......
"KAREN !!! u have given d trust wrongly for n-times....."
is it bcz of i trust d wrong person???
is it bcz of i trust at d wrong timing???
or is it i myself am d one making all these troubles???
i've no idea at all.....

i wana b frank to everyone.....
i told them tat i really disappointed...
i really feel tat things shudn't be carried out tis way.....
things can be solved easily if there's groupwork....
work can be done rapidly if there's another brain to share d info.....
mayb is my bad for being too ganjiong/....
or mayb bcz i've put too much of expectations???
or perhaps it mayb bcz i've cause them feeling stress working with me.........
all the maybes........
all the questions are pondering in my head until nw...........

i really do hope to make commitment in everything i do......
but it just dun really seem right when d commitment is being carried out tis way.....

i scolded bad words yesterday as i really feel tat it's a rotten day......
in d end of d day...
i feel so bad after being rude n harsh to them.......
funny me......
but stil there's still sum parts of me convincing me.......
"it's ok ... it's ok....."
and yet there's still sum parts of me pulling me back and yelled at me.....
"u're such a lousy person....."

angel?? devil??
but none of it is pointing to them
none of it actually says tat.... it's their fault.....
altho i noe i shudnt put all d blame on them.....
cz i really think tat it is my problem.......
i oso duno y i think so~
how come~
==

is it really bcz of my EQ????
commitment tat driving me nuts!!!!

**sorry for being harsh or rude...... if any of u happen to read tis.... u noe who u r.... **